I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Come on in and take your pants off
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