I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize