Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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