I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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