her vagine was all disorganized.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?