based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.