I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me