There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven