got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
you have to choose: penises or morals?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
