Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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