69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
