I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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