from now on my penis is your penis
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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