He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
