i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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