Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Drunk walkin through police station. America
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize