and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
