i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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