i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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