i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
