bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
sarcasm needs its own font
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
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