I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
