I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
