I accidentally had phone sex last night
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
