He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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