Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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