Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
