Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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