happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Randomize
