he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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