using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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