1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
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