I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
My vagina just recognized that song.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
