..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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