I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
