is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
