remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
