My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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