I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
