Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
