take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
