you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
