He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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