He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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