I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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