I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
