but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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