Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
