I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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