Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Randomize
