there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
sarcasm needs its own font
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize