I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
you would pick up someone in the library
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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