I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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