We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
