we're chasing vodka with high fives
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
