Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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