We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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