Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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