the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
